today is one of those black days, you know the ones i mean, where you feel as though the black clothes reflect your mood perfectly when your on your own and yet noone gets it, i may call myself the 'gothic travelling witch' however i use the term 'gothic' a lot more loosely than many nowadays i like being happy cheerful and some days, and those of you 'purist' goths are gonna be shocked at this one, i wear a pink top with angel wings studded in crystals on the front and back and its not because im a girly girl or because im a label of any kind its because i feel like it.
today however i was glad to be wearing black i got home from college sat down on my sofa put scrubs on the tv and started writing the next chapter in my book. and then i wondered what am i going to do in my life? i dont have many friends especially n ot in this area, i dont know what i want to be when i grow up and whenever im asked i say who knows? but i do know one thing my life is firmly in the realms of the alternative cause i dont care about the latest fashions or what makeup or hairstyle is in like the other people i have met in secondry, sixth form and college im just happy being me with my weird varied tastes in music from folk to westend to industrial and dark wave etc i dont care that people look at me odd when i walk down the street with my headphones on wearing a t-shirt that says i <3 monsters where the heart is designed to look real or if some idiot yells 'freak' or 'goth' or whatever across the street because i look different to the hundreds of other girls in the town or in essex because it makes me who i am i express my self like a peacock cause lets face it thats what we all are. i dont allways wear makeup but when i do it's not generally big swirly black eyeliner even though sometimes i do wear it but its most definately not 3 inch thick foundation either i prefer to show who i am in the now rather than try to fit in with a label that someone else has made up the rules for. i will shop in any store i like and try to find something new or the same that i like and looks good on me (which is generally a lot of black but hey i like it) i like mixing things together to try and make myself unique by trying to be exactly who i want to be. this doesnt mean i know what career i want or whether i want to do anything specific its just how i look and how i feel comfortable looking.
when i say the word 'goth' i dont just mean people in black or victorian wear i mean the whole range of alternative subculture because thats what i classify it as cause thats what i see when i walk down the streets of whitby where my grandparents live during wgw i have allways been fascinated with these amazin g people who where not afraid to show who they are and to be as extravegent as they pleased even when they where just going to the green grocers or the newsagents. the clothes fascinated me and the different ways people put things together was inspiring. i class whitby as my second home as it is one of the only 3 places that have stayed constant the other two where my nans house near southend and my grandma and grandads first home in hornchurch. but every year almost we would go to whitby and spend time there i would look around the market and look in the window of the 'scary shop mummy doesnt want me to go in' and wish i was allowed to go in and buy some pretty black dress or bag or skull headband with cobwebs on it but i was never allowed to i was allways ushered past by someone and i allways remember looking back and wanting to ask if we could have a look but i never did. then came the time when i was allowed to wander around on my own i must have been about 13 14 at the time and i allways remember going into those shops for the first time and being awed by all the beautiful clothes and accessories every time i go now i allways buy at least one thing and my wardrobe slowely grows. i mean sure atm its mostely jeans and t-shirts but maybe one day i will be able to walk down the street in a full skirt, corsett, demonia boots and a neon top every day if i wanted too but first i have to find out what i wanna do to make sure im able to do that and see the many wonderful places around the world that i wannna see who knows maybe i'll see you there and you'll recognise me as 'that girl who writes the blog' but even if you dont its fine because everyone has something they will grow up to be most of us just dont know what they want that to be yet and thats ok